The product of my subconscious

Everything from here and beyond is a product of freestyle writing ~ it's everything I could think of regardless of grammar and structure. This medium will help me express and unload the thoughts I feel heavy of right now...I wanna sleep and I have to sleep. But I may be unable to unless I unload my thoughts here.

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I must be a total failure in this world. I feel like Im a nobody. No matter how many times I convince myself Im important, that some people care about me, it doesn't just seem to be convincing enough to bring me to a stable state ~ to make me call myself a loved and cared human. My father left me and he gave up is responsibility, he must not have wanted me. But did I even want myself to be born? The eyes, the lips, the name, everything was passed on to me yet I know no father. It must be crazy being me...to think that a cascade of negativities and unpleasantness would bring me up not knowing what a real life should be.

I'm a mess, I'm full of negativities now...when I fail I grieve, when I'm upset I don't eat. Nobody lifts me up. I may have friends, but they left me behind. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a piece of instrument and everything that I thought great were just temporal and nigh perfect to last in my life. I am sad. God can lift me up, and I have always prayed to Him. I have always asked Him to provide me the emotional comfort I ought to have. Never did it happen, even the physical presence of anyone doesn't seem to suffice. I must want to be comforted, I must want to be in the comfortest zone my subconscious really deemed to have...but it isn't coming from Him yet. I've been waiting...but the next thing I knew was that I got rejected by my father.

Im trying to be okay but....suddenly things turned out bad. People are just leaving one by one, slowly fading, like no real relationships would be grasped by my hand. I imagined...if I couldn't even stay with an entity of a friend...how could I live longer with my future wife and family...to feel the seemingly eternal embrace of my children when I age?? They might leave me since my friends did leave me. I've never done something wrong....or is just everything of me with just a glance seems faulty and unright? I should have never been born then...But again, did I ever want to be born?

I'm torn. I still ask GOd and call out His name but the pain of hearing his silence aggravates the infliction. We have our own rights to grieve regardless of severity...and I have my place to shed my tears to no one. But at the moment, I am unsupported, I am nobody. It's all reject, pain, and suffering that I'm have...not unless with reconciliation, with clear and comforting words, the reassurance of trust, the company and the relationship, the in filling of an entity to my hollowness. It's sad, it's grieving. Which entity can raise me now? It must be God, it should be God....but who must He send when I've got nobody...when I am nobody. But I continue to ask for help, for encouragements, for hands to lift me up.

The price to pay

It's like a domino effect...one touch, and everything you've planned of falls down. That's what you get from procrastination---well for the most part of it. Just an advise, don't let time cheat on you.It could be very destructive when misused...and when blended with procrastination -- lovely combination!

Now You See Now You Don't

Just because I haven't blogged for quite a while doesn't mean I'm dead nor am I behind the times quarantined. I'm well aware of the pandemic H1N1 , that chaotic patriotism is on protests and Cha~Cha again, and that millions of Filipinos pried over Hayden Kho and Katrina Halili's careless whispers. On entertainment, I watched Wolverine and Terminator Salvation, I know how to dance Jai Ho, and I still dont enjoy watching Boys Over Flowers. All I've got my eyes with on Philippine showbiz is Krissy and Bohohohohoy in Banana Split. Though not watching the show as regularly broadcasted, I got to enjoy every single bit of its segments through Youtube. I just love them bohohohohooooth.

Concerning the course of my eccentric peculiarity, it's continually on the run and shifting ~~~ what's important is that I'm alive and kicking. My lifestyle's been READJUSTED. I have recently engaged myself on a number of disciplines to stay fit, cool, and healthy ~~~bwahaha ~~~ and while this blog was blanked, I developed a habit. I moved out into a new apartment as well & realized that I couldn't get along well with a Filipino roommate, so I convinced myself for a multi~racial abode. Presently, I'm living with Hong Kyu Ui, the angel in disguise who gave me his motorbike and shared me the comfort of living with a number of appliances. From ignoramosity, I learned how to use a washing machine, WAHAHA. He pays for my internet usage too~~ sounds abusive huh~but he's volunteered so, and it's one great package of blessings to be living with him MWAHAHA.

With my university life, my name's pending for graduation next year! I'll just have to pass the last 2 semesters, and I'm good for the board exam and abroad ~ NYAHAHA. I know it's still a long way to go, so I've got to set my last year with all discipline and determination. Got to break off NGSB this year too...at ang pinakamasahol na tawa...BWAHAHAHAHA!

Indeed, I was BLOG~gone for quite an extensive while. I really enjoyed the summer this year, and it definitely is one reason why. I've started keeping a simple diary myself. While I was hands~off from blogging, I made the pen the avenue of expressions since there were just so many days to keep that would only last when written. Until now, I still haven't fully found out why I'm calling myself a ninja, but one thing's for sure, this blog ain't gonna end aimlessly. =P ^^ A toast to my comeback, kkk ^^.

Senior Year!

I'm officially a graduating student!!! YOOOOOHOOOO!!!! Bwahaha.

Focal Points of the Past

March 16, 2009 - Balot

Foreigners just love to try whatever is exotic in other lands. In the Philippines, "eating balot" is something exotic....for some traumatic...eclectic, kkk. For Koreans, it's something strange and unfavorable. But it would be a complete Philippine experience if they tried one. Steph and I brought Nam Hyun and Kwang Ho to the boulevard for a night of balot. Nam Hyun originally didn't want to go, but I always brought him around my persuasions,So he got his first bite of it that night, kkk.



Nam Hyun consumed 2 pieces, and I think he liked it, even though he was a little disgusted at first. Kwang Ho was...silent. He just ate and didn't say a thing. ^^
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March 25, 2009 - Dumaguete to Ozamiz

I brought Nam Hyun to our hometown way back. He traveled with us from Dumaguete to Dapitan to Dipolog to Ozamiz.


Stopped over a newly opened budburan along the south border of Ozamiz. Had our fill then went through another 15 minutes until we arrived home.

I knew it would be boring to stay at home so we planned a few things to do for the next days of our stay. During his spare hours, Nam Hyun just took my bed to study, and study, and study, and study, and study, kahit saan na lang, kk. I was busy with the TV...huhu I miss the TV!
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March 26, 2009 - Aquamarine Park

For this day, we planned to go snorkeling and swimming with the dolphins, kk. My mom drove us to the place along with Steph. Sooner, she just decided to go with us and try snorkeling.

Before we got to the snorkeling area, we passed by the mangrove sanctuary where a number of animals were contained for viewing purposes. There were more monkeys than mangrove related reptiles in the area, and I wasn't able to appreciate them because they were the same animals I saw during my last visit, and I think they already know me, cheka. Nam Hyun kept in touch with some monkeys anyway.


From there, we started hiking through a long bridge connecting the restaurant.



Lunchtime. The seafood was great!!!!! INCOMPARABLE!! It was quite expensive though. But the food was AWESOME!!! BEYOND AWESOME! Kk. ^^

Another bridge connects the restaurant to the wharf. We had to pay PHP200 for the boat ride+ticket to enter the island.

Fifteen minutes to reach the island, and there weren't quite a crowd during that time.

Swimming with the dolphins costs another PHP200. We didn't bother wasting our money for a plunge with untrained, unskilled dolphins. So we just went for the snorkeling devices for PHP50 each and dove into the deep. ^^


Like I mentioned in my Lake Balinsasayao post, Nam Hyun's a little dastard with water depths, bwahaha. His expression was really funny when we were about to plunge into the water. I find it really interesting making fun of him sometimes, hehe.


Thanks to Steph's Olympus water shock digital camera (cheka), we did not just enjoy feeding some sea creatures that looked like sharks, we also wet his camera for some Facebook shots kkk ^^.

Feeding the fish with their own.



Giant clam





We moved ourselves out from the deep and went for the sand where we had our "ninja shots" kkk. ^^



JUST A NINJA.


THE GREAT NINJA. ^^
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March 27, 2006 - Hoyohoy

From the deep, we trekked for the heights two days later. It was an hour from the main city. This time, Steph's cousin was with us. The place was still under construction that time, but they didn't bother anyway. It was overlooking the city.



The place was cool and relaxing. It was however creepy looking down from the top. We were really up high from the base.

We ate lunch, went back to the city, watched a movie, then went home.

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March 31, 2009 - Ozamiz to Dumaguete

I strolled Nam Hyun around the city for the rest of our stay, hanged out with my friends, attended a shindig, plunged into the pool, roamed around my high school, ate out, and spent a day at Mister Donuts for the WiFi, kkk.

By the 31st, we packed up early in the morning and took the same route back to Dumaguete. We arrived there in the evening.

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April 2, 2009 - Japanese Shrine
We woke up undecided of where to go. We were in the dilemma between the Japanese Shrine and Casaroro Falls. Their tracks were adjunct to each other..but we decided to hike for the Japanese Shrine anyway. Man..it was very exhausting! We should have picked the latter. Climbing 4KM really wore me out. I almost gave up climbing. Nam Hyun wasn't tired at all, dang him! He said he's used to climbing steeps as he was trained during his military service.

The shrine at long last!




We didn't stay long in the area. We descended after a few minutes of fresh air. If you plan to go there, buy some drinks, bring some food, some camping paraphernalia, and stay overnight.

Sluggish

I miss blogging. I want to post so many things but...T_T Probably, I'll have this blog flooded with my blah blahs later. I still feel a little lazy now.